I wish that I could be a better aunt and not have to avoid all of my nieces' special events, like birthdays and Christmas productions because I can't bear the thought of watching little girls grow up.
I wish that I could be a better sister and not have to avoid visiting my sister in the hospital today because it brings back terrible flashbacks.
I wish I could be vulnerable enough to actually let someone see with their own eyes, the pain that I experience when I'm missing Abby or when I see a sick little girl, or an ambulance driving down the street.
I wish I could let myself cry in front of someone and let them comfort me.
I wish I could be more real and not hide behind jokes when my thoughts go any deeper than the surface and they attach themselves to feelings which scare the hell out of me. I am terrified of feeling anything.
I wish I were able to enjoy an afternoon alone without feeling completely empty and lost.
I wish I were brave...