Friday, January 10, 2014
2013 was full of change for me. I started the year with a family of 6. At the beginning of February, my husband moved out and we got divorced. We split custody of the 4 children 50/50. So, being alone 50% of the time was an adjustment, but I navigated my way pretty well through that change. In June, Abigail passed away and I was left with one less child. My family of 6 became a family of 4... Calla, Trevor, Nate and me. I still haven't figured out exactly how to navigate this change so gracefully. As a matter of fact, sometimes the way I deal with it is completely ugly and ungraceful. I'm not sure how ANYONE would deal with it, but I am doing my best.
We still legally have 50/50 custody of the children, but Calla stays with me and my dad at my house. There are definite emotional struggles that I still need to figure out how to deal with, but again, I am working on it.
The more "realistic" issues that I've recently thought about that I haven't figured out yet are things like grocery shopping and cooking. I used to shop and cook for 7 people, and I haven't adjusted to shopping and cooking for 3 people half of the time and 5 people the other half. I either really over-do the shopping and cooking and have so much left over that even if we eat it for 3 days, I still have to throw food away, OR I under estimate the amount of groceries/toilet paper and cooking and we run out of things. If I could figure this out, I could probably save a good amount of money.
The other issue that I seem to be failing at, is making sure that my kids have enough of things... socks, boots, gloves etc. With split custody, I think this can be figured out with time, experience and communication. I assume that their stuff is at their dad's house and he probably assumes that they have these things at my house. I recently found out that my kids don't have snow boots!?! I should know this stuff... I guess there is a lot going on in my mind, but it's just another example of the adjustments to divorce.
3 children is A LOT less than 4. I didn't realize what a big difference there was between those numbers, but everything take a little less work. My kids are growing up and need me less, and my baby is gone. Abby was the one that I had to help the most with day to day things. It has left me with a lot of time on my hands. I sometimes can't handle the downtime and just recently realized that I need to be more productive with my healing, especially during these times that I have to myself. Someone recently told me that I have been spending too much time and energy ignoring the changes instead of dealing with them. Although that was hard to hear, he was right. Since then, I have sought help, found information to help me when I'm starting to panic and have made a plan of action. It's in its early stages, but I am determined to see it through.
2013 took a lot from me. Now it's time to find out who I am with my small family of 4. This is going to be hard.